Re-post: Top Ten Marital/Relationship Conflict Tips

Another popular and requested re-post: 

Here are my own personal Top Ten Marital/Conflict Tips, though I still find interesting that the number one cause of marital conflict in the USA is now choice of Netflix movie:

  1. Listen early and often
  2. Summarize the point being made before responding to make sure you have it clearly understood
  3. Create a network of friends independent of your relationship
  4. No put downs or contempt, unless you are serious about destroying the relationship
  5. Spend quality time apart to process your stuff and so you realize which of your problems are yours rather than your relationship’s (hint: almost all of them)
  6. Discuss serious conflict issues at a mutually agreed time regularly to avoid festering
  7. Avoid phrases like: ‘you always….’
  8. Use adjournments (not walk outs but stated: I need some time to consider/calm down) to avoid escalation of conflict
  9. Don’t suppress emotions like anger, or hurt, but don’t vent them at your partner either if you can avoid it. Just say: ‘I feel…..’
  10. Regularly review progress on how you are doing on these suggestions or any others you have found helpful and try to do better, agreeing new approaches as appropriate
Footnote: I doubt I know any more about conflict in relationships than the next person :) But my advice may at least be different?

About creativeconflictwisdom

I spent 32 years in a Fortune Five company working on conflict: organizational, labor relations and senior management. I have consulted in a dozen different business sectors and the US Military. I work with a local environmental non profit. I have written a book on the neuroscience of conflict, and its implications for conflict handling called Creative Conflict Wisdom (forthcoming).
This entry was posted in Conflict Processes, Marital and Relationship Conflict, PERSONAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION: CREATIVE STRATEGIES, Top Ten Conflict Tips from Great Thinkers, Uncategorized, Ways to handle conflict and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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