I mentor a lot of young people, almost exclusively young women. And they often complaint to me that: “Good boys are hard to find.” And based on my experience and research and talking to my female mentees over the years, here’s what I found. Clearly this is not all guys, but many or most:
1) Guys when lost don’t ask the way, so get even more lost
2) Guys lack what I call “emotional conservation”: the ability to continue to feel what they felt on Tuesday evening on Wednesday morning
3) Guys don’t really get in touch with their feelings (hence their feelings’ short life span), which they regard a bit like a cold to be shucked off asap.
4) Testosterone is not big in the neuro-chemistry of empathy or listening
5) Guys lack good role models aka their role models suck.
6) As discriminatory barriers to women’s education and career drop, many women are doing better than men and men don’t like this in a partner. The historical repressive misogyny clearly served a purpose…for men.
7) Too many women find self-absorbed, brooding “difficult” narcissistical Heathcliffs (what my “sisters” and I at Ford used to call “bolt-neck fuckheads”) to be fascinating “fixers up” to take on, only thereby encouraging their propagation, when their foundations are fundamentally unstable.
Sorry about this. No male takers for the local college male emotional literacy classes I hear. 😦 And my ratio of the last 30 years of female mentees to male is about 25 to 1, not through lack of trying, though the male mentees are usually referred to me by a female in their life. And last on average two sessions.:)
And yes I am sure there are magnificent exceptions, but their rarity value means they are snapped up pretty damn quickly….And it took my wife over 30 years to fix me up…