Listening is a key skill in all conflict negotiation, and I thought this quote and these six guides from Erich Fromm’s “The Art of Listening” very useful in their insights even for negotiating with an obvious opponent or even enemy. This extract is from Maria Popova’s Brain Pickings site. It is also true that our civilization is greatly damaged by the current listening drought….not only do our conflict fester as a result but our children are growing up emotionally impoverished…
Listening, Fromm argues, is “is an art like the understanding of poetry” and, like any art, has its own rules and norms. Drawing on his half-century practice as a therapist, Fromm offers six such guidelines for mastering the art of unselfish understanding:
- The basic rule for practicing this art is the complete concentration of the listener.
- Nothing of importance must be on his mind, he must be optimally free from anxiety as well as from greed.
- He must possess a freely-working imagination which is sufficiently concrete to be expressed in words.
- He must be endowed with a capacity for empathy with another person and strong enough to feel the experience of the other as if it were his own.
- The condition for such empathy is a crucial facet of the capacity for love. To understand another means to love him — not in the erotic sense but in the sense of reaching out to him and of overcoming the fear of losing oneself.
- Understanding and loving are inseparable. If they are separate, it is a cerebral process and the door to essential understanding remains closed.